Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
