he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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