I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
