You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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