Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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