I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think people are normalizing furries
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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