the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
