I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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