I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
