Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
