Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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