Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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