She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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