Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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