I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
even my farts smell like vagina
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
