just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
