I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
