hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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