are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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