I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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