Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
