I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
sex in a hospital.. check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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