Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
