is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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