He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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