If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
