Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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