mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
