We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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