she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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