I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize