Your tits are I can't wait for
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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