I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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