his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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