I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She has the best kind of daddy issues
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
