i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
