I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
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