at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
did i walk over a car last night?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
