Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
