Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
