my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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