I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
