Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
