You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
