Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
