it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
