At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
