I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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