he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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