You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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