just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
