so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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