I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
