Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
