Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
