this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
