I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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