Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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