whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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