all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
