When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I want a musical about memes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
