So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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