i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
