He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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