I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound