just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
