ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
