Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
