Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
