They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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