Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
