I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
