We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
