I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
