I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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